Pangs

We have gotten to a point in our lives, just very recently, where things are somewhat, the tiniest bit, easier. This is not to be confused with less busy. Things are busier, for sure. A middle schooler and a first grader...they have a lot going on. And they are both in girl scouts. One likes to go to the mall, the other does not. One has a lot of homework, they both have school projects.

But it is easier to have grade school kids instead of toddlers.

But very often...I have pangs. These pangs will just hit me out of the blue like when I'm at Target, walking past the girl toddler clothes. No one in my house can wear those pink ruffle pants I see hanging on the racks. I look at the cute tiny clothes and feel a pang deep within my heart. I miss those little, little girls that used to live in my house. I miss the roundness of their faces, and the chubbiness of their legs.


I walk past the Disney Store at the mall...how many visits did we make to that store? Trying on princess costumes, looking at the princess toys. We hardly ever go in there anymore. Even Brooke is nearing the end of the princess phase (but NOT the end of the princess movie phase...Cinderella & Snow White & The Little Mermaid movies never fall out of favor!)

In the book store...the cute board books, the picture story books...barely a glance from even the youngest. While she does enjoy a nice story with great illustrations, she's gotten into chapter books...Judy Moody, Magic Treehouse, etc. And the oldest, who won't even be 12 until next week, can't even find much to interest herself in the 12 year-old section. No, she likes to look in the teen section which requires much screening on my part.

I miss going to the book store and reading them stories with colorful pictures. (Although sometimes I do still get to do this with Brooke, thank goodness!)

No more Dora the Explorer or Little Einsteins. We've got Wizards of Waverly Place and Hannah Montana on the tube at our house.

Occasionally I come across a picture like this one...

...and I remember the DAY it was taken. I remember taking her to see her daddy on his lunch hour, and we went to the toy store in the shopping center with the carousel. I remember how she wanted an expensive puzzle and her daddy said no. This was the first and only time she really insisted, I think she might have kind of made a bit of a scene, but still the answer was no. We went to Coffee Bean, and somehow August walked in and the door started to close with Kennedy still outside. He felt SO guilty! He picked her up and hugged her. And then took her to buy that puzzle. We still have that puzzle. The memory is so fresh, but this little girl is almost 12. I feel pangs when I look at this picture. My heart clinches with the memory, with the emotion of being a mommy to such a vision in pink.

I loved having little girls. I love having them still. But, I am happy that one is still only six.

Still, when I see pictures like this one...

...I feel pangs.